Hi again everyone!
Sorry I was gone for a while, but between a very tough week or so reacting to my latest chemo, to dealing with the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, I simply didn’t have time or physical ability to post to this blog. I hope it did not cause any withdrawal.
As I approach the new year, I have to admit I approach it with both a sense of hope, and to be as honest as possible… fear. When I was diagnosed with cancer back in September, the doctor that broke the news to me, left little doubt as to how serious it was. Basically I was told I had terminal cancer. Then he told me of the options of chemo and radiation. Then, like the stick and the carrot… after the stick of impending death, came the carrot. If you try these procedures.. you might make it…. maybe.
It’s at this point when one makes a choice, or more accurately…. realizes he has no choice. I like so many others, gave up my pride, my dignity, and my body, to a bunch of strangers. One hopes they are professional, and kind, and considerate. Most of them are, thank goodness.
I was never so glad to make it to another year.
But, if I were totally honest, I ask myself if next New Year’s will allow me to be here. If determination has anything to do with it.. I’ll be here. If desire to live, or tenacity to cling to that with brings me joy helps.. I’ll be here.
I want to live to be with my wife, I want to live to see my grandchildren grow up. I want to live to make others laugh.
Laughter is the one thing I miss most as I go through all of this. I don’t mean my laughter. I mean the laughter I so enjoyed giving to others. In retrospect, it was the activity that took up the largest part of my day, until the cancer stole it from me. Make no mistake. My quest to survive, is so one day, I will feel strong enough mentally, to make people laugh again. I love it. Of course, my favorite audience is my wife Sugarface.
Happy New Year everyone!